Knitting Warfare: Sweaters that Didn’t Make the Cut

Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images. BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JULY 15: Television Critics Association Press Tour at the Beverly Hilton Hotel July 15, 2007 in Beverly Hills, California.

After watching a raft of fashion makeover shows, from Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style to TLC’s Mom Makeovers, I noticed the psychological warfare used by the makeover experts. They steal their victims’ clothes! Invariably, some women is left standing in an empty closet, staring at rows of naked shelves. There’s a glassy expression in her eyes, as if she’s just experienced a Viking raid. I know exactly how she feels!

Last week, I went through my own knitting cupboard, and the result was like the photo above. I put a whole bunch of sweaters in a box to be unraveled, and then I sat huddled on the floor. The problem was that I found craft projects galore, but not a lot of clothes. At least I wasn’t forced to wear my craft projects in front of a 360 degree mirror. Don’t you just hate it when some poor woman huddles in a dowdy outfit while Stacy London and Clinton Kelly make fun of her?

 Yet this same humiliation factor is a big part of the fascination for these makeover shows! I think this is because we like to see the dark secrets hidden away in other people’s closets, because it makes us feel better about our own. 

So what lacy skeletons are hidden in my knitting  cupboard?

I will be sharing  my top three most embarrassing knitting mistakes with you. Today, I am starting with the one at the top of my throw-away pile:

1.   Doomed by Unrealistic Expectations:

This is a Rowan pattern, by Marie Wallin. What was she thinking? And what was I thinking? Too many colors, too much complexity! This is an eight-piece sweater with four colors that are implemented in three separate stripe patterns that are combined together! Wow--it's beginning to sound more like a costume than a craft project! 

Structural design problems doomed this project from the beginning. The Waistband is a measley strip knitted in stockinette stitch that provides no structure at all. 

The stockinette collar is limp & floppy.

And the stripes! Aagh! One striped pattern is trimmed w/ another, resulting in a chaotic mess. The mind boggles at the number of ends I had to sew in!

Lesson learned: I must be honest about my level of knitting and finishing skills before I tackle a project. I didn’t have the expertise to pull this one together. In fact, I didn’t even know enough about garment construction to see that the waistband & collar were not going to hold their shape. If I had had the benefit of more experience, I would have knitted the collar and waist in ribbing instead of stockinette. I have learned the hard way not to spend money on yarn for a pattern that is too complicated for me to understand. 

Luckily, my cat looks good with this sweater!